Jersey Shore Christmas Lyrics

Its Christmas time,
I wrote a dumb ass rhyme,
about whats on tv,
they shoot it in jersey.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.cloverlyrics.com/e97185-sara_bareilles~jersey_shore_christmas_lyrics.html ]
I'm gonna pretend,
that hair my hair don't bend,
that I'm a Guido,
that probably wears a speedo.

I love my hair gel,
I always yell,
I think I'm hot as hell,
see that's what my mama tells me.

I have perfect abs,
they are right above my crabs,
they should be gone by now,
I guess Ill go work out.

Because,
they Santa Claus wears red patent leather,
however good he looks, bitch I'd look better,
Fat as hell but quiet as a fuckin' mouse.

Don't know much bout you but I swear to heaven,
if some punk comes in past eleven,
I'ma kick ass I'm the situation,
that's how it's done in the Jersey Shore nation.

I'm on probation.

Not coppin' attitude,
mothafucka whats wrong with you,
Ill break your goddamn arm,
oh, excuse me father Tom.

Its Christmas time,
I'm drunk on bad church wine,
tried to sleep with a nun,
she said no but I think she wanted some.

Because,
they say Santa Claus wears red patent leather,
however good he looks, bitch Id look better
Fat as hell but quiet as a fuckin' mouse.

Don't know much 'bout you but I swear to heaven,
if some punk comes in past eleven,
I'ma kick ass I'm the situation,
that's how its done in the Jersey Shore Nation.

It's a stupid joke,
about guys who are really yoked,
I hope they never see,
they'd come to murder me.

I mean no harm,
no need to sound the alarm,
Ill see you on TMZ,
Merry Christmas Jersey.

Livin' it up in the hotel of California,
such a lovely place, such a lovely place.
Plenty of room at the hotel of California,
anytime of year, you can find me here.